Family planning on Ecstasy -- Stop drinking when your lips go numb -- Sylvia Plath put her head in the oven over this shit -- Playing house in the suburbs with Captain Morgan -- Three a.m. ideas -- Rocketship rock-on -- Failure that isn't funny -- Nothing left to hide now -- Who's the sickest in the room? -- Maintenance whiskey -- I found God in a leaf blower, and I fucking hate leaf blowers -- There are three types of mothers in the world -- I am none of them -- Failure that isn't funny: sober edition -- the childhood I could no longer blame -- What the hell is "soul work"? -- In the blood of our mothers -- If I knew the way.