Before we begin: political tickets, please -- The first fringe candidates: "scattered" and "other" -- John Donkey: America's first cartoon candidate -- Joseph Smith: cult candidate? -- Leonard "Live Forever" Jones: High Moral Party -- George Francis Train: "Spread-Eagleism" -- Victoria Woodhull: first woman to run for president -- James B. Walker: from mainstream to fringe: Anti-Masonic Party -- Mark Twain: first celebrity candidate -- George Edwin Taylor: first African American candidate -- Will Rogers: Anti-Bunk Party -- Gracie Allen: Surprise Party -- John Maxwell: Vegetarian Party -- Homer Tomlinson: "King of the World" candidate -- Gabriel Green: Universal Flying Saucer Party -- Louis Abolafia: World Love Party -- Pat Paulsen: TV Comedian: STAG Party -- Eldridge Cleave: Black Panther: Peace and Freedom Party -- Dick Gregory: TV Comedian: Freedom and Peace Party -- Pigasus: Yippie Candidate -- Aftershocks: nobody for president -- Joan Jett Blakk: Queer Nation candidate -- Vermin Supreme: "Why not the worst?" -- Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey: Vampires Witches and Pagans Party -- Stephen Colbert: "Americans for a better tomorrow, tomorrow" -- Frank Moore: Just Makes Sense Party -- Keith Russell Judd: Federal inmate 11593-051 -- Roseanne Barr: first female serious comedian candidate -- Jimmy McMillan: Rent Is Too Damn High Party -- Naked Cowboy: independent in underpants -- Deez Nuts: Games with Balls Candidate -- Andrew Basiago: Time Travel Candidate -- Zoltan Istvan: Transhumanist Party -- In exiting: watch your step.