Introduction -- Dear King Charles, I hve not doubts about this golden city and I will write you as soon as I am back from it bearing tons of gold -- Columbian exchange returns -- Would you describe yourselves as normal Europeans? A survey for new arrivals -- Naming places on this continent: a template -- Top toys for puritan parents -- Cotton Mather: spirit hunter -- A spider objects to Jonathan Edwards -- Listen my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere and also Samuel Prescott who was there too even if his name doesn't rhyme as well -- The hour men -- 50 statues of grey: liberty or death -- John and Abigail Adams try sexting -- An oral history of the Constitutional Convention -- The original plan for the Federalist Papers -- 50 statues of grey: bill of rights -- The composing of "To anacreon in heaven", c. 1778 -- Seneca falls for you -- 50 statues of grey: Henry Clay -- Excerpt from Modern Etiquette (1793 edition) -- A speech in favor of constructing the Eerie Canal that got pretty far along before the speaker realized Erie starts with only one e -- Where's Walden? -- Emily Dickinson content!!! -- Edgar Allen Poe's handyman -- Herman Melville pitches his editor -- The Scarlet Letter, abridged -- 50 statues of grey: Northwest Passage -- Moby Dick: an oral history -- Songs Not of Myself, by Walt Whitman -- How to pose for your Civil War photograph -- The Gettysburg Address, by Aaron Sorkin -- But other than that how was the play? Audience feedback for Our American Cousin -- Big women -- Excerpt from Modern Etiquette (cursed 1871 edition) -- Mark Twain's undeath -- Branding session for the corrupt bargain of 1877 -- Nikola Tesla's friends intervene (a PowerPoint) -- Other Edison ideas -- Nellie Bly reviews Blackwell's Island -- 50 statues of grey: Benjamin Harrison -- The Yellow Wallpaper guy tries to get a refund -- L. Frank Baum's dystopian YA novel -- The group telegram following the "Cross of gold" speech -- We're the rhinoceroses trying to keep Teddy Roosevelt's life together -- Why the National Parks were set aside -- The Jungle, basically -- The Dollhouse of Mirth: limited edition American Girl Dolls by Edith Wharton -- Other Carl Sandburg poems -- A new American tall tale -- The Waste Cat and other suppressed T.S. Eliot poems -- Teapot Dome excuses -- Ernest Hemingway's The Great Gatsby -- 50 statues of grey: stock market -- Frank Lloyd Wright is here to design your home -- The Classic American Songbook -- An oral history of the Oklahoma! exclamation point -- The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and the thing that ate Herbert Hoover, by Franklin Delano Roosevelt -- D-Day: a very special Sesame Street episode -- The Lady in the Sexual Harassment Seminar, by Raymon Chandler -- Julia Child's cookbook that made it much clearer she was a spy -- Shirley Temple Jackson -- Witch Play Written in the 1950s as a Metaphor, by Arthur Miller -- What if they Censored Books, and it was Bad, by Ray Bradbury -- 1950s recipes -- Other McCarthy lists -- Two pages of Catcher in the Rye that were removed before publication but maybe shouldn't have been -- Giovanni's Escape Room -- 50 statues of grey: gerrymandering -- Allen Ginsberg's Howl (original dog draft) -- The night they came up with all the currency -- The Sun-Maid correspondence -- Ayn Rand's The Little Engine that Could but Preferred Not To -- Real Housewives of the Space Program, 1959 -- Re: the mockingbird -- What your dream means!!! -- Notes on Camp, by Susan Sontag, aged fifteen, Camp Winnebago -- In Cold Blood if Truman Capote didn't think the murderer guy was kind of hot -- Buckley and Vidal debate other things -- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the draft where Hunter S. Thompson forgot to bring any drugs -- Richard Nixon tapes but just the parts where he's yelling at checkers -- 1970s urban legends -- Nancy Reagan's psychic's daily horoscopes once she realized they were being used to set policy -- 50 statues of grey: Laffer curves -- Fairy Tales, by Tom Wolfe -- The team at Build-a-Bear responds on the thirteenth anniversary of 9/11 -- Ragnarok in the hall of presidents.