Introduction : To be or not to be (perceived) -- Confessions of a late bloomer -- Sephora good time, not a long time -- Smells like teen (redacted) -- What's in my bag (really)? -- No fun in the fun house -- Job a million girls would dye for -- Fuck around & find out : beauty(TM) edition -- Pretty privilege is all mine -- Die hot with a vengeance -- What glows up must come down -- Flawless industrial complex -- No gore, no gorgeous -- Well enough alone -- Even e-girls get the blues -- Smoother operations -- Epilogue : Age against the machine -- Acknowledgments.