Origin story -- Growing up and liking it -- All girls must be everything -- Delaware County summer showtime! -- That's Don Fey -- Climbing Old Rag Mountain -- Young Men's Christian Association -- The Windy City, full of meat -- My honeymoon, or, A supposedly fun thing I'll never do again either -- The secrets of Mommy's beauty -- Remembrances of being very very skinny -- Remembrances of being a little bit fat -- A childhood dream, realized -- Peeing in jars with boys -- I don't care if you like it -- Amazing, gorgeous, not like that -- Dear Internet -- 30 Rock : an experiment to confuse your grandparents -- Sarah, Oprah, and Captain Hook -- There's a drunk midget in my house -- A celebrity's guide to celebrating the birth of Jesus -- Juggle this -- The mother's prayer for its daughter -- What turning forty means to me -- What should I do with my last five minutes?