What do people say they want from sex? What do they really want? -- Am I normal? Why focusing on "normal" sex undermines sex -- What is sexual intelligence? Why does it matter? -- Your brain: information and knowledge -- Your heart: emotional skills -- Your body: awareness and comfort -- Letting go: obstacles to developing sexual intelligence -- New focus, new approach: developing your sexual intelligence -- Embracing the inevitable: health and aging challenges -- Creating sex that can't fail (or succeed): using your sexual intelligence -- Appendix 1: for couples therapists, psychologists, & physicians -- Appendix 2: hand massage: an exercise.