Our coach -- "Well, I guess I'll go try sports" -- Grovers and Wooders and Billy Schnurr -- Inappropriate cheering and the half-court shot -- "Son, son, get up!" -- New beginnings, new rituals -- Shirley's arm, Bridget's face, and mighty Hinsdale South -- Dark secrets -- Shirley's gremlin and those weird lumps -- Addition by subtraction -- Having it all -- The mighty Susies and other technicalities -- The ultimate slap -- Saturday Night Fever and a Champaign hangover -- Big whip -- Safe haven -- Earl's girls -- Dreidl, dreidl, dreidl -- Let it snow -- Perfect shmerfect -- Joy is... -- Why not us? -- April fools.